Ara's Blog

I realize it's rather shocking coming from a person like me. I am emotionally stable, cynical and educated, I think men are human beings and do not have a designer shoe fetish. But for some reason, a reason I can't seem to admit to myself, I have been doing the unthinkable to help myself try and sleep.

I have been watching Sex and the City.

Yes, take your jaws off the ground people and pick up your lattes. I am on the fourth season, and Carrie is trying to get back with Aiden. Fuck, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Big is hot. Really Hot. His nose is hot. I am in very, very big trouble. I was talking to a patron checking out the 6th season at the library and I said that it was a very funny, touching show. she asked me what I found touching about it, and I said that I can somehow relate to the characters. She chuckled, said I was cute and walked off with her 6th season and Redbook magazine. I couldn't get that chuckle out of my head. Why am I relating to sitcom characters? And not only sitcom characters

WHY THAT SHOW? I swore that show off the second I saw the previews. i don't watch sex and the city, or any other chick flick for the same reason I don't read romance novels. it's emotional fiction about emotional relationships. I am willing to admit I have an impressionable mind, but I like to substitute that with "open mind". If someone argues a point of view, I listen. If the argument seems reasonable, I will agree with it. unfortunately, most of these reasonable arguments are coming out of a think tank geared to make me buy expensive crap I don't need, date men I don't like (who are rich) and sell me an image of what a successful woman looks like. I am not Miranda, I don't want to be a lawyer. Who the fuck says you have to be a lawyer to be a successful woman? Librarians are successful.

*justifies*........*turns nose up in the air*.......*sniff*

And another thing, it's over exposure to relationship problems. It's not the sort of relationship problems you deal with with your friends, you can talk back to your friends and tell them they're full of shit (ok maybe you can't) but somehow the small screen is so much more imposing. I remember why I don't watch tv anymore.

The bottom line is, this is me exercising my agency, and my agent is telling me this relationship is over.

I'm going to go read Kafka.

Is to live in the present. I will sleep when I am tired, eat when I am hungry, and make love all night long. Then I will create. This forced upchuck of Ideas they call assignments isn't art. It has nothing to do with me personally. This is some sort of sick promenade of technique and academic cluster fuck scavenged from the moth balled wasteland of my mind.

I want my past to leave me the hell alone. Right now its been nibbling at my heals and dashing away before I have time to smash its skull in. Pleasant memories become parasitic notions with dissection. The obsession over detail and every whim forces me to change what I held dear and now come to despise. It is a dog. It wants scraps of me. It want not whatever intelligence or grace I posess, bit my pity, my fear and my jealousy.

The future demands my authenticity, when the only reality is right now. It barely deserves my attention, for it has no tactile reality of the present, or artifacts and agreed lies of the past. My dreams are it's only propellant, but right now even they are asleep.

    Let me explain myself. I dragged my friend Rachel to an anarchist bookstore earlier this evening because I had a few spare bucks and Ive been hearing about this place for a while. For those of you who are not me, I will elaborate: It's called the long haul infoshop at 2134 Shattuck ave. and like anarchism itself, the establishment and layout is fucking awesome, however the people themselves leave much to be desired. Cheap books, cheap coffee, trust based loan policy on some of their zines, and pretty quiet atmosphere. However, about halfway through my browsing experience I heard a young male voice exclaim: "fuck the law! Yeah dude, we need a sign up that says: fuck the law!"

at that point I think my jaw unhinged and reached around to try and gnaw at my brain. I remained with my head turned towards the bookshelf away from him the same way you wait until the person shitting in the stall next to you finishes and leaves.

Now, most hip young folks know that the general anarchist directive is not only the divergence but absolute abolition of church and state. This isn't some sudden news break. There was no recent briefing among the despotic anarchist hierarchy saying "hey news flash, the anarpope wants us to antagonize law and most law enforcers" Who knew!?!?

Thus, this young man's demands were not exactly revolutionary, or exciting, or necessary, or anything more or less than annoying angsty anger mad.

On the way home Rachel and I had a nice snarky conversation, where Rachel and I broke down all three components of his argument:

Well, first off, "the" is an article, and has no particular meaning or validity in itself, so we can take one third of his entire argument out quite easily. Secondly, what exactly does "law" mean? You have not defined it, you have not explained it, and thus the vibrations coming from his mouth mean really nothing at all for that "word". Last, the word fuck. Such a lovely buzz word, what a shocker, what a crowed pleaser! Lets the nice young fellow see whats behind door number three! fuck and such obscenities in academia are reserved for such occasions where they evoke a strong and fruitful reaction in the reader, backed by a thesis, a hook, some body paragraphs, maybe even some proof as to the evils of this word "law" and maybe a few more articles such as: an, a.....use your imagination. So sorry sir, maybe if you put a little more thought in your ideologies rather than spewing out catch phrases and slogans like so much sewage, you wouldn't scare off those you so desperately try to persuade.

This was supposed to be some random emo post, but I was never one for such cliches.

In which fictional world/universe/land/city would you most like to live?
Submitted by glenn is the new chuck.  

Los Angeles, November 2019, the world of Blade Runner. Chinese food is still cheap but now globalization has gone interplanetary. Ads are now so oppressive they have become an entity in themselves.
    I'm not talking about Phillip K. Dick's Los Angeles, I'm talking about the scenes you get out of the movie. Somewhere that truly captures urbanization and city life with no frills wanted.

    Oh dear, sorry for not posting in so long. I have been living my life, not writing about it. I promise to write more very soon, as school is starting and I'm sure I'll be hungry for more of an on-line life. I've been looking for a web-comic to read, but nothing keeps my attention. I'm particularly interested in library geek humor, so if anybody has any suggestions, they would be appreciated.

Home Life
    Has been quite boring. I'm starting to get sick of the sight of this place. The family dog, Casey, has had a skin disease for the past couple of months and only recently was properly diagnosed. Supposedly it's a disease particular to German shepherds. She's been quite miserable.  I've started taking her out on walks so she can have something to do, as we've had to have her tied up due to holes in the fence we can't find. Casey and I are currently working on "heel", "sit", "stay" and "down". She's got heel down to a T, but sit is still a problem for her. I'm worried that the proper position for sit makes her arthritis act up, but she can still manage it.
    My room is coming along. I've been trying to control the mold problem with Clorox. I spent about three hours yesterday scrubbing it away from the outer wall and window. this house is old as crap (1940's) and starting to look like it. I try to keep it clean so Sean is more comfortable, but unfortunately his pet allergies as a problem. My cat is falling in love with him, so getting her out of my room sans hellicopter removal is a bit difficult.

Love Life
    Is fine. I don't usually write about it in my journals, as that tends to lead to either drama or overanalysis, which leads to drama. Sean's trying to get another job with the school district printing and distributing materials to schools, it's $16/hr, 40 hours a week, which he's happy about. I've tried to persuade him to wear kakis to the interview, but he insists jeans are apropriate.
    The whole drinking thing is up in the air, I rather not go into it here. Sufficed to say that I'm still working at it with him, and communicating my feelings on the subject is hard because of my family history and  the fact that I've never dealt with this kind of thing before. I swore to myself I would never put myself in this situation, yet here I am. I know I make it sound like we're doing really bad right now, but we're not. It's actually really good, better than I could have expected. I'm just ranting about the usual "baaah relationships have problems, baaaah"

sheep!

Media
I've been watching some really good movies lately. i reccomend:
   

Bandits

I also avn't seen Heathers (Christian Slater in a trench coat) for sooo long as I can'y find it in this mess (house). 

Grandma's Boy (Unrated Edition)

Books

    Finished The Fifth Chinese Daughter by Jade Snow Wong (see my winter reading list collection). Good book, easy to read. As a student of Mills, it's most fascinating to contrast and compare the environment of Mills the 1940s and now. For one, there's still that air of friendliness. Wong talks about how everyone says hi to you as you walk by. That practice is still very much in existence now. There's this certain greeting you get in the habit of doing when attending Mills that I haven't seen anywhere else. You see someone walking the opposite direction toward you on the sidewalk. You both bow your heads until you are within a conversational distance. Then look up, smile, and give a congenial "Hi!" sometimes accompanied by a wave, then go on your merry way.

Babies

    I'm going to be an aunt. Well, older cousin, possibly once removed? Not quite sure what that means. Anyway, my cousin on my mother's side just got married and is one month pregnant. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. For one, she's 18, a fresh high school graduate, so is he. He's working 2 1/2 jobs at the moment, she works part time at a daycare. She wants to stay at home to take care of the baby. I'm not sure that's feasible in the long run, but I can't have very much sway on the subject. However, since she's steadfast on keeping it, I'm not going to let my personal opinion get in the way of helping out however I can, though being 2 states away makes it difficult. I also don't know much about children as far as practice is concerned, only a little as far a developmental theory, prenatal care and that it takes an immense amount of money and time to raise a child. I might be moving up to Seattle in a few years if I have my druthers, and then possibly could help out. My more suspicious side says I shouldn't get involved, that she and her husband will break up in a few years because of stress and financial strain, and then I will have to be the responsible one, but I'm going to try and ignore that, as it doesn't really look all that bad. I'm rambling, I know. I'll stop.

Bongos

    Well, not really, more like electronica. What was I thinking, bongos? pfft! anyway. They are called Android Lust and

Android Lust - Stained

they are absolutely amazing. I had been looking for a female electronica/industrial group/artist and this girl certainly fills the void. Please watch the video and check them out
       Bio
             Born in Bangladesh, Android Lust auteur Shikhee has been exploring the cutting edge of desire, rage, and panic in her songs since her first independent release in 1998. Read More

For organization's sake, I'm making this a seperate post. I've been thinking about my winter reading list for about a month now. Know that there is no way I plan to finish this in a month. Probably couldn't even if I tried. but I figure I might as well make it big so I have a nice list to reference every time I get bored and curious. Also a nice way to flex vox's features, even though there doesn't seem to be any vox equivalent to lj-cut. So, without further ado,

Winter Reading List

I Pledge:
    As a new vox convert, I pledge to leave the adolescence of live-journal behind. I pledge to never posts surveys or quiz results and use spell check religiously. I pledge to use proper grammar to the best of my ability, however inebriated I may be at the moment. I pledge to never whine about my relationships. By this, I mean to never use the phrases "doomed to be forever lonely", "why do I date assholes" or some such nonsense.
    I pledge to post book reviews and personal, intellectual musings. This is assuming my reader base will be an open minded set of individuals. I pledge, however, to never censor myself when I have a strong view about something. This does not stem from my own self assuredness but from a want to progress my writing.

I just saw a 50 foot high Tim Curry pop up  on my television screen.

Sorry, what?

Right. Anyway, I think I'll leave it at that. Oh yeah, and I pledge never to use capslock when angry.

Join us next time for: Winter reading list!